With the holidays still in progress it has really hit me that I have no contact with my father or his family. It hasn't hurt as much in the past because I was busy angry at my father, but this year there is none of that. There is just the void of space that would be my family. I went from having so many cousins to only talking to my mothers family. I am not sure that it would hit me as hard if I had siblings, but I am the only only child in my family. It kind of sucks right now.
Now this doesn't mean that I want them back in my life, the majority of my fathers family is toxic. I have had a less stress since my last meeting with all of them than I had growing up. I am still stressed and anxious, but not from that part of my life. So yes I may miss the feeling of being part of a big family, but I do not miss the drama.
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